Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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