Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
