Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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