just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
