i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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