I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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