So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All the doctor said was why
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
