I wish I only lived at night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
