Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize