she woke up with a sticky ear
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
