I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
