I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
