Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
