You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
