you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize