his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
