what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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