I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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