It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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