I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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