What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
