Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
