I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just puked most of my soul out..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
