oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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