gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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