The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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