I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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