Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize