So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
