Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
