Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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