Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
