quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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