do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How's work?
Spinning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
