You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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