Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
