Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
