His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
