it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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