I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
