I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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