I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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