YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize