eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
