It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
