So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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