you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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