Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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