she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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