wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize