why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
