I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
