I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
