Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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