just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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