yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
