So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize