dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
where am i from again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you had me at cake vodka
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
