Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
