dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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