last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
