how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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